28 Maj

What does being on the autism spectrum mean to me?

Well, let’s say it straight – I have always been kind of weirdo.

Even though I start to read at age of 3, there have always been some acting that made my family worried. Out of my three sisters, it was me that cried while listening to the classical music, it was me that tried to stop my father from leaving for training, as if he was about to never come back, finally it was me that cried when seeing boots of a stranger in a corridor… Yet when my mother saw a specialist (I was 4 or 5), she belittled her fears, so that I have to wait a couple of years for right approach.

As far as I remember, my school life was filled with successes. I was smart and I knew it, which results in becoming an overachiever, as I passed all steps of education with flying colours.  On the other hand, I have been suffered from underestimating, which my family and teachers do, social failures and constant meltdowns. They looked like regular crying, so I was regarded as crybaby or even worse who tries to extort the best grades with tears. I was so ashamed of myself, even though I knew from the very beginning there is nothing I could do to stop it. What made things worse was that I was believed to have suffered from depression, bipolar disorder, social phobia and so on, and so forth.  Not until 17 did I know I could be in autism spectrum. With no support from my family that repeatedly forget about my Aspergers Syndrome, with a big mess in mind I graduated and started new life far away from my home town. I need two years, two visits in psychiatric hospital and some supportive people from different walks of life on my road to gain the awareness I actually have. Now I have a fiancée (with ASD as well), a place to work and stay, and many ideas to help spread the awareness.

Being a volunteer in two local foundations working for people with ASD, launching a website to raise autism awareness in place and running a local half marathon with AUTISM NO OUT on my runner’s T-shirt are not last words in terms of lifespan I have. I am not afraid of life, although it sometimes makes me really stressed out.  There is so many aspects of life with autism that I feel it is high time to write a book and depict it the way I see it. Being on autism spectrum means a past, present and future to me. It was a tough lesson to learn, but now I feel I know much enough to help other people. Even if my family seem to ignore it – I do not care. Should you want to ask me some questions, feel free to visit a website www.niebieska-fala.pl and find my e-mail inside.

Weronika Miksza

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